Swimming in the Mainstream

Interesting observation made by the Dean. For many years, I did my best to hide my disability (very poor sight as a result of RP). But, with a little sight I had and a lot more confidence than I felt inside (and no small amount of smoke and mirrors), I could fool the casual observer into not knowing I had a disability -- this way enjoying equal respect.

Obviously closer observers were aware, and, now that I think about it, I had to spend more time than necessary convincing people that my ideas or opinions were valid and relevant.

But my main reason for writing is to admit that after "coming out" and using a cane, which incidentally changed my life, I have also noticed a tendency of people to doubt my maturity.

One thing I am often frustrated about with eSight is that it is almost always implicating employment, as opposed to self-employment. (Forgive me if I have missed earlier newsletters referring to self-employment.)

I have now worked longer for myself than any single previous employer. That, in itself, is a issue all of its own.

As you know I run or co-run Disability Solutions -- http://www.disabilitysolutions.co.za -- a consultancy focused on disability integration issues, and I have definitely noticed this tendency to regard one as not quite adult. I know my business partner, Guy, who is a paraplegic can relate to this, too.

One sees it in general consumer activity, although Guy and I have a lot of fun when we go out together (me with my cane and he with his wheelchair). Service people often don't know where to look or who to talk to.

We had the most fun recently when we went into BMW to buy our first company car, a Mini Coupe. The salesperson initially regarded us rather cautiously and was floored when Guy told him that we wanted a small car for me so that I could hit fewer things. He nearly lost it when I asked for a test drive. When he realized that it was for Guy to drive (albeit with hand controls), he was almost relieved!

But I have noticed a tendency with clients to being more cautious when making a decision about using our services. They are simply awed at having to deal with PWDs on the same level as they, particularly since they have no experience whatsoever or rarely of PWDs at their level in their organization.

A corollary to the Dean’s observation, in South Africa, is how difficult it is to get business to see the voracity of disability-related consulting products, as opposed to other consulting services.

I was most annoyed recently when I was told that my training on disability awareness was too expensive. This in the face of the client having spent more on a diversity programme which had left disability out. As far as I can ascertain, most diversity programmes over here leave disability out or deal with it very sketchily. Yet, diversity sells well.

Jeremy Opperman

Disability Solutions PTY Ltd
jeremy@disabilitysolutions.co.za
http://www.disabilitysolutions.co.za

Interesting question but I have never not felt like an adult in my situation. Acquiring a disability as an adult is different than having it from birth. I think my response would be that acting like an adult should bring adult responses. Now I know that folks do not treat people with disabilities the same way, HOWEVER,
I believe that we have the opportunity to teach them who we are and what we are capable of. We are looking for allies and supporters. Everyone will not fit this bill, do not dally trying to convert people. Know who you are and act accordingly. I heard something the other day I would like to share: "My potential is limitless.
My present circumstances do not determine my future. My disability is a bonus." I have learned a great deal about myself, life and people since my disability that I AM CERTAIN I would have missed under any other circumstances.
Actually, Peter Pan's refrain: "I won't grow up" comes to mind. Is being a child so bad--actually a childlike honesty is better than the double dealing callous approach of so many sophisticated folks. What I do not know will teach me more than all the knowledge rattling in my brain. Each encounter is an opportunity to become more of who we are. Enjoy the opportunities.

I think we all know when we're being patronized or marginalized by the tone of the voice used. I find humour works best for me , especially sarcastic humour done with a straight innocent face. For example if say you work for Robert Smith and he keeps calling you Jimbo and you find it annoying as hell, answer him back with whatever you say Bobarino. If he gets fussy and says my name is Robert say fine I'll call you Robert if you call me James and nothing else.

I 've experienced it and so have you probably that many people figure if you have one disability you must have all of them , so they will talk loudly and slowly to you like you're slow or you don't comprehend english or spanish or french or whatever language.

My mum, god bless her, had MS for 25 years. When we were out one day a waitress spoke over her head to me saying what does SHE want. Well SHE grabbed her by her collar, pulled the waitress down to eye level from her wheelchair and said quietly but firmly what SHE would like is, if for YOU to talk to her not her daughter. Then she let her up, the waitress apologized profusely and asked her for her order.

I think most of the time the people who treat disabled people as children or marginalize us do it out of ignorance and not knowing any better. They've not been exposed to disabled people, they've believed all the myths or they're just plain frightened and may suffer from their own handicap of foot in mouth disease.

At 51, if someone wants to tell me I look 5, 10 years younger than my age , I know my disability HAS absolutely NOTHING to do with it. It's my hair cut and the sixty five lbs I've lost .

You want to be treated like an adult , do the best job you know how to, act professionally but with humour and empathy and then show how it's done.

to the gentleman in south africa , please email me at my lseger2254@netscape.net address your business sounds interesting and I've designed a self esteem curriculum almost ten years ago now for disabled people in South Africa that might be of interest to you.

Liz S.